Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: conventional plea for a lab position, growing up, home again, lab research
Being a junior really makes you realize how quickly the future is coming. It’s terrifying. I probably should say exciting as well but I’m not feeling that emotion currently. There’s so much I still want to do – study abroad, do research in a lab, be a teacher’s assistant, ummm figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life maybe. Stuff like that.
I’m working on the researching in a lab thing. It was so daunting before that I never did it but I randomly got an email from STEM asking me if I wanted to join and I thought,”What do I have to lose?” and joined. Pretty sure I just got acccepted because I checked the Pacific Islander box on my application. I realize this is unfair but what do you do, you know? It’s a pretty awesome opportunity though because they’ll give me a stipend for doing undergrad research. It’s hard to get undergrad research because professors don’t give you the time of day and they don’t usually want to pay some stupid, yound college student to make mistakes in their lab. This way, they don’t have to pay me so hopefully that’ll help me out. I just sent out five different emails, to five different professors, saying something along the lines of:
Hello Dr. _______,
My name is Christina and I’m currently going through my third year in the Genetics program here at the U.
I was looking through faculty researchers and your research sounded really cool. ___________ is fascinating and I’d love to be a part of your laboratory. If you have any positions open, I’d be happy to help. I’m a North Star STEM scholar which means you wouldn’t have to reimburse me for my work. STEM is a group that works with colleges to get minorities into the fields of science, technology, engineering, and math.
Thanks for your consideration,
Christina
The thing I hate most about the world of science is how you to have to be clear and concise all the time. Every email I had to type I felt like they were just going to read it over, think “Here’s another lame undergrad student who wants to get some crap to put on their resume”, and click delete. Normally, I would insert some sort of wit or charm or some little hint of individuality but the science world tends to look down upon that. They think you’re being “unprofessional” and that you don’t really care about what you’re doing. But does typing up a paraphrased version of what the school’s website think you should say show that you care about what you’re doing?
Anyhoo, I am looking forward to working in a lab though (if it happens). I learn alot more when I see the implications of what I’m doing instead of just having some over-educated doctor talking at me and expecting me to learn from that. So here’s hoping.
I’m home for the weekend again. I’ve been coming home a lot this year and I’m not sure why. It’s nice though. I raked leaves with my dad, listened to my mom tell me about the latest forensic file episodes she’s seen, and watched Gran Torino with them.
Not a bad day.
Praying for: guidance, family, other college students that I have no idea what they’re doing
Thankful for: His sovereignty, heaters, and sleepiness
This weekend has caused me to realize how much God has worked in my life.
I mean, honestly. It is completely amazing how all the pieces fell together to get me where I am today.
See for yourself.
1. That I picked the University of Minnesota
I can still remember when I was touring different colleges, trying to figure out which one was best for me even though they all seemed the same. The girl that was guiding one of the tours said,”When you go to the college for you, you’ll just know it.” I rolled my eyes cynically thinking that that definitely wasn’t going to happen. When it was getting down to the final decision I was debating between two schools. I honestly didn’t really care. I felt that every college would have different things to offer and I had no idea how to pick which was best when they all threw their virtues in my face. So, I decided that I would take a tour of each and if that didn’t help I’d go to Winona because they’d give me a better scholarship. Well, I toured them and I got that telltale “feeling”. And here I am today.
2. That I stayed.
I hated college and I hated the U. Classes were hard. It was hard to make friends. It was hard trying to get involved. I got frustrated with God because I knew this was where He wanted me but I hated it. If Campus Outreach hadn’t randomly found me, I probably would have transferred.
2. That I took a theater class.
I’m a science major, theater isn’t really listed in our required classes. I wanted some class to ease up the tension of taking all science classes and was originally thinking of dance. To this day, I still don’t know why but I registered for dance and that was that. Then for some reason I just decided that I wanted to take a theater class and switched. So weird. I still don’t even get it.
3. That I met Ann Nelson
That class had either 400 or 700 students in it. I can’t remember which but whatever – it was a freaking ton of people. But somehow I ended up in the discussion section (20-30 kids) with Ann Nelson who just happened to live in Middlebrook.
4. That I lived in Middlebrook
Middlebrook is on west bank and all my classes were on east bank. It didn’t really make sense that I lived there but that’s just what I chose. Living there was the only reason Ann and I even talked. Though the class is called “Discussion” you don’t really get to know people when you meet up with them only once a week.
5. That she invited me to a bible study.
I don’t even know how we started talking about Christianity but she thought to invite me and I accepted.
6. That Laura Watkins called me
Laura led the bible study and started hanging out with me. At the time I was thinking,”What is this girl doing??? We only met once or twice and she’s calling me up to hang out with me.” I was weirded out but not enough to counteract the appreciation of having a friend.
7. That I went on beach project
Seriously this is probably the craziest thing and the most poignant. The only reason I found out about it was on a complete whim. Emilie started talking about it when I was in a car with her and some other girls and asked if I’d be interested. I wasn’t at the time but I said,”Yeah, that’d be cool.” just to appease her. The very next day Laura called me up saying,”So Emilie told me you’re interested in beach project.” “Oh! Yeah…maybe.” “Well, if you are interested we need to meet up as soon as possible and you’ll have about a week to decide because the deadline already passed.” I totally just jumped into it at the last minute and I still marvel at how perfect it was for me. How much it taught me without even realizing it and how, really, it could not have come at a more perfect time. It was exactly what I needed in so many ways.
I always need to look back on my life to remind myself of how much He’s done for me. When I go through tough situations it’s very hard for me to surrender and just give Him control. I don’t trust Him despite the fact that time and time again God has taught me so much through experiences I didn’t enjoy. He’s the perfect planner and I forget that constantly.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: college depression, George the bus driver, rain sucks, retainer wall guy
-College depresses me. I do not like being depressed. I recently made it through a week with three exams and am now reaching the stage where I can no longer be blissfully ignorant and actually have to look at my exam scores. I haven’t done well on any of them. It’s just so frustrating when you put so much time and effort into something to only come out average. It’s times like these where I find it difficult to remember that I’m privileged to be going to college and having the experiences I’m having. I need to constantly remind myself of His sovereignty to keep from getting to caught up in it.
-I keep seeing the guy on the corner. He actually lives farther on and is just building a retaining wall for the people who own the house on the corner. I still don’t know his name but I’d like to. I’ll have to ask him next time I see him.
-I saw George the bus driver for the first time today! I was just walking across the street on the crosswalk. I passed by a campus connector and thought I’d check to see if it was him and it was! It was exciting
-Friends and family are nice. I’m finding as I get older I’m appreciating them more and more.
-Our house just keeps getting colder and colder. Tea and a worn out bathrobe are my current sources of comfort.
-Bridget is hilarious and lives vicariously through everyone else in the house.
-Classes are difficult now. Every single semester I start out thinking it’ll be better and it never is. It’s always just as hard. Biochemistry completely escapes me. I know the material but I don’t understand it, if that makes sense, and it doesn’t quite cut it. Microbiology and Humanities are my only hope in academia. Microbiology lab is my favorite part of the semester and is causing me to consider a future in research.
-I HATE rain. Completely. All the silly girls who say they like it are fools that just watched some chick flick with a makeout scene in the rain and are hoping to follow in their footsteps. I hate feeling cold and damp constantly. I hate worrying about stepping on worms. I hate the smell. I hate feeling lazy.
Maybe one day when I get rain boots and an umbrella I’ll have a change of heart.
-There’s graffiti on the sidewalk a few yards away from our house that says “Think about the people you hurt” and I wonder how it came about.
-Justin the banker is having a baby! He didn’t even tell me (Shannon did) and I had to scold him severely.
-I live in a temporary shell. I forget more often than I should and put way too much stock in it.
Praying for: my random friends,
Thankful for: education, caramel apples, friends and family
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: 1080, H1N1, mouse sightings, pillowless
Welp. I am officially moved into the house. It took a while because I still had bags of crap laying around until I found a place for them. 1080’s my home for the year. Not bad so far. I’ve been really enjoying living with people who actually care about me. Not that my roommates in the past didn’t care about me at all just…you know, we were roommates. That’s all we were pretty much.
Events of the past couple weeks:
-I had two mouse sightings. The first time I was willing to forget about it in the hope that it would go away. The second sighting set me over the edge and caused me to instantaneously set traps right then and there. My roommates weren’t completely sold on the idea as I had been the only one to see them. But, the next morning we had tangible proof. A nice, dead mouse was caught in a trap without even having the satisfaction of reaching the peanut butter. Poor guy.
-The boys of 1075 borrowed sugar from us and returned a couple hours later with cookies. There are definitely theories circulating that they did indeed have sugar. Nonetheless, the act was appreciated.
-Classes started. I have a hard semester ahead of me but so far it’s not bad. My roommates are all in bed before 11:00 which is unbelievable but it’s helping me alot. I’m getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night which was fairly unheard of last year.
-The girl that sat across me from microbiology lab the first day came down with H1N1.
-I forgot to bring a pillow. Blankets do not constitute as pillows. I’ve learned the hard way.
-My roommates tease me about everything I do. I guess it had to happen sometime. I used to be the one who would make fun of everyone else and now I’m on the other end.
-I do not understand how in the world people are vegetarians. I can’t do it. I never feel satiated.
-I’ve seen the old guy living on the corner a few times and every single time he asks me if I’ve gotten into any trouble yet. Can’t say that I have.
-I’ve had 3 hamburgers, 1 veggie burger, and a hot dog in this past week. All the clubs are having barbecues up the whazoo in the hopes of recruiting new members and I’ve been taking full advantage.
-I’ve started going through Luke this semester since I’m not longer in a d group. I’m not used to doing bible study on my own but I think it’ll be good for me.
Praying for: this semester, students at the U, 1080
Thankful for: meat, free food, free speech, and good roommates.
Filed under: Uncategorized
1. You may think that you’re a good person but your eyes will definitely be opened if you live with 5 other girls in a cramped, low quality hotel room.
2. I have a lot of questions.
3. I’m a very relational person.
4. I have a lot to learn.
5. I need constant reminders of the gospel.
6. Working as a cashier is alot harder than you would think. It’s draining, monotonous, and not exciting so be nice to your friendly neighborhood cashiers.
7. I much prefer produce.
8. Divorce is way too common. It’s heart-wrenching.
9. I really dislike college and I have no idea what I’m going to do in two years.
10. Film cameras are awesome.
11. If you carry around a film camera often enough people will deem you a photographer.
12. More people should use film cameras for three reasons
-they take fantastic pictures
-the cost of film will go down
-I won’t have to explain how to use it every time I let someone else take a picture
13. “Take on me” by Aha is the only song 12 people in a van can agree on.
14. You can rock out to said song 10 times and still not tire of it.
15. I am extremely human
16. I am definitely not a morning person
17. Not all pop music sucks, just most of it
18. I love Minnesota because of the scenery, the weather, the people, The Current, and the fact that I have a home here.
19. Breyer’s fried ice cream ice cream is the second best ice cream. The first is Haagan Daz bailey’s irish cream.
20. God is good.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Me (after noticing box of shamwow): “You bought shamwow?!”
Dad: “Yes…”
Me: (starts laughing) “Why??”
Dad: “Because…I like the marketing.”
Done with my second year of college.
I unpacked everything despite the fact that I’ll be packing in a few days anyway. Ah well.
Things I’ve done:
-cleaned out the documents on my computer
-started putting all my photos in photobucket so they don’t take up as much room on my computer
-unpacked
-went through all my notes from college and recycled them
-bought a camera
things I still have to do:
-go through 1 Peter
-send out support letters
-burn cd’s for Erin and Roseline
-hem a dress
-finish 1984
-spend time with good people
-get a haircut
-figure out a look for my blog that suits me. I can’t seem to find one and it’s driving me nuts.
-sit outside and look at the stars since I haven’t seen them for a year and I won’t see them for another two months
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ahhhhhhh let's make a cake, Colossians 3:1-4, death of unnamed computer, questions for Maddy
I’ve been all self-conscious about this blog lately. Like, I feel as though every blog has to have some little nugget of information for the reader to take away. I don’t like it. I mean, I’d love it if people took something away from my blog but that’s not why I started this blog. I started this blog to get my thoughts out, for nostalgic value, for memories, to think through things, etc.
That’s not to say I don’t want people to get something out of my blog, I’ve just realized how many of my bloggings have been written to impress people and I’m not a fan. I want my blog to be whatever I’m thinking about however random, insightful, or shallow those things are. So here goes:
Thoughts as of late:
-I think my computer’s dying. I never even named it. Sad.
-I want to include pictures in my blog.
-I want a cool camera. I’ve been fighting the urge for so long but taking a few shots on Maddy’s camera set me over the edge. They’re so expensive though. Holy. I was looking through random pictures on flickr and I can’t decide if I’d want digital or film. Digital is just convenient but film always has this slightly imperfect, vintage look about it that I love. Questions for Maddy:
1. Can you get a cool camera for around $200 or is that impossible? Based on various ebay searches it’s looking near to impossible.
2. Are there digital cameras that give you that cool look that I adore or do you only obtain that through photoshop?
I think I want a film camera.
-Colossians 3:1-4
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is your [1] life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
I cannot get over the line “your life is hidden with Christ in God”. I just love that Paul used the word hidden for a couple reasons
1. Hiding is usually a cowardly thing to do. It’s humbling that we’re hidden but comforting knowing we’re with Christ.
2. Our life is hidden with Christ in God. It just sets this image of our life being shrouded behind God and therefore only being able to see God’s glory instead of our undeserving selves. I constantly find myself falling into the lie that all my “goodness” was obtained from me so it’s a great reminder that it’s not like that at all. I’m not any better than anyone else; I’m just being covered up in His glory.
-Had our last D group last night. Kinda sad but I’m really looking forward to what next year will bring. I’m growing with some fantastic girls. My favorite memory of D group:
Roseline [in the middle of some serious discussion]: “Ummm…I’d like to make an announcement.”
Erin: “Okay. Yeah?”
Roseline: “Um. Rice….just came up my nose.”
Erin: “………okay. Are you okay?”
Roseline: “Yeah, I just wanted to get that out there.”
AHHHHH MAN. I laughed so hard I cried.
-I’m amazed at how much less I mess with my nails as soon as I paint them. They’re actually getting long for the first time in too long.
-My favorite pandora station is bird and the bee. What’s weird is that it’s good for a couple hours but all of a sudden they start playing random techno songs. Drives me nuts.
-Woke up late this morning. The volume on my alarm was randomly turned down. I have no idea how that happened but I missed George’s bus which stinks a bit because I only have one more chance to say hey before school’s out.
-Went to the flight of the conchords concert on Sunday. They weren’t as good as I thought they’d be but they were still good.
As a tribute here’s one of my favorite clips of them:
-Losing motivation for school. Only a week and some left.
This weekend was the leaders retreat for summer training project (so weird calling it that). This whole beach project schpeel has been such a rollercoaster of emotions for me. When I first found out I was completely bummed. Erin told me and on the outside I was like, “Okay! Great!” and on the inside I was so crestfallen. I was honestly amazed I could fake that I was okay with it; I’m a pretty terrible actress. I just didn’t want to voice my disappointment because I knew I was being stupid. And I was.
After a week or so I started getting more excited and realizing how A team was actually a better place for me.
1. I’ll get to choose the girls I want to focus on rather than having ones assigned to me. [Choices are good.]
2. I will be the one that has to initiate meet ups and things with girls. [I’m super lazy and my boldness is definitely lacking. Growing in this area will be huge for me.]
3. I’ll be serving constantly. [I’m spoiled, American, and self-centered. Serving will be good for me. Difficult, yes, but good.]
I talked about it with Erin, telling her how disappointed I was (she was totally unaware) and then explaining how I came to terms with it. We talked through my misconceptions and unfounded disappointments and she explained things and told me why she felt I’d be best on A team. I was finally cool with being on A team. The only thing I wanted now was someone I could really connect with in our room.
Then I found out Tess was going to be teaming up with me and I got super, super excited. We click really well and it’s fantastic.
Then I went on the leaders retreat and got excited but a more…informed excited. I met most of the people that’ll be on A team and they’re lookin’ pretty alright. We got along well and it’ll be awesome getting to know all of them better as the summer goes on.
And now I’m back from the leader’s retreat. It’s so weird thinking of myself as being a leader. I was thinking back to the room leaders and A teamers last year and how well/easily they seemed to talk with disciples on a deeper level and trying to picture myself doing that. Can I do that? Wow. I do not feel ready. I do not feel like I can live up to that. Not in the least.
I got a package today from a good friend who’s in Israel right now working with a Christian organization and I started dwelling on all the amazing people I know. I have another friend who’s in China right now spreading the gospel and doing wonderful things. All my friends at the leaders retreat are just phenomenal Christians. Lately, I’ve just felt as if I do not fill these people’s shoes at all. They’re true Christians in every sense of the term. I can honestly say that I am not a Christian in every aspect of my life. I compartmentalize my life to the point where there are some parts of my life that may briefly get a glimpse of my faith and that’s it.
I feel like a failure. I feel lukewarm. I feel fake. I feel unworthy.
But I know I can speak truth into people’s lives despite all my inadequacies. Well, I know but I don’t believe. I have to fight to believe that, to believe that I was put on this team for a reason and that I am capable of helping other girls grow in their faith. I’m a Christian and Christians are always going to fail at certain things; I just need to keep striving.
Need something to pray about?
Here’s a few for ya:
-pray that I’ll have the boldness and courage to pour my faith into other girls
-pray that I’ll see the bigger scheme of things and not concentrate on some trivial matter that keeps me from spreading the gospel
-pray that my energy will keep up (for the most part. I’m doomed to burn out at some point)
-pray that I’ll continue to see the privilege of being in this role. I must admit, waves of that initial disappointment come back to me every once in a while
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: another Dad story, bright red lipstick, hats with character, leggings + short shirt = ungood, over-hugger/under-hugger, perfume samples, random sauna house, repentance, self-consciousness due to beef jerky
-Is there some sort of unspoken rule when it comes to whether you’re the over-hugger or the under-hugger? I’ve noticed that I’m always the over-hugger. If you’re unsure of what an over-hugger is, let me explain. When two people hug, one person’s arms go over the other person’s. I’ve never had an awkward hug where we can’t decide who’s who so I want to know how everyone knows which way to hug. I thought that the over-hugger would be the taller person but seeing as how I’m shorter than 98% of the world that wouldn’t really make sense. Is it that whoever initiates gets to decide? I just don’t even know.
-Hats. I have a newfound love of hats. If you have crappy hair you just throw a hat on and you automatically look cool (albeit your hat has to have some character). I’m a big fan.
-Repentance. For D group this week we had to listen to the 3 sermons on repentance that Matt Chandler did and they really, really spoke to me. Take a listen here if you have the time. I’m just amazed at how easily I oscilate between trying so hard to be “good” and taking advantage of God’s grace thinking,”Welp, that’s a struggle of mine and we’re all sinful so oh well.” The gospel is so simple and yet it’s so hard for me truly understand, you know? Matt hits on points that were exactly what I needed to hear and it was much needed. Plus, he’s hysterical.
-Next year. I met up with my future roommates for next year and it’s going to be a sweet living situation. I’m super excited. Our house has a sauna. How random is that??
-Parents. I don’t call them enough. I called my dad randomly this week and it was really good. At one point in the conversation my dad was telling me how he was telling our hairdresser that I’m going to Myrtle Beach.
Hairdresser,”Well, you know, she’s getting older. She’s going to want to be more independent.”
Dad,”Yeah…I guess she wants to fly her wings.”
HAHA I stifled a laugh when he told me that. I love that my dad has lived in the U.S. for more than 30 years and he still has his struggles with the English language.
-perfume samples. I cleaned my room recently and found an old magazine and realized how very uneconomical it would be to throw all the unused, perfectly good perfume samples away. Ergo, I’ve been trying a new perfume everyday. Thus far, I’ve been smelling like various old ladies and I’m not digging it.
Good thing I don’t find my identity in how I smell.
-red lipstick. I’ve decided that bright red lipstick is the hottest thing a girl can wear. I usually don’t use the adjective ‘hot’ as I find it to be shallow and unimaginitive but it’s the only adjective that fits. It just looks sweet. I can’t pull it off but for all the girls out there that can: have at it.
-On the flip side, one of the most unhot thing a girl can wear is leggings with a short shirt. I keep seeing girls wear this and I cannot for the life of me fathom why someone would do such a thing. It looks ridiculous, tacky, and isn’t flattering in the least. For the most part, I’m embracing of people expressing themselves through what they wear but not this. This is where I draw the line.
-Beef jerky. I really like beef jerky I decided. However, I feel very out of place standing in front of a shelf of various brands of dried meat. I am not a burly, hairy man and I only feel the full weight of this when I am buying beef jerky.
Thankful for: warm weather, hats, God’s grace, Jesus, and everything in between.
Praying for: truly understanding His gift, the future, girls that wear leggings with short shirts
